Saturday, November 08, 2008

Democrats announce 2009 Gun Control Compromise on Firearms and Ammunition Taxes

For Immediate Release.

Democrat congressional staffers report a compromise has been reached in regard to firearm sales and ownership in a bill that will be fast tracked through the Democrat controlled house and senate.

President Obama's Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, says the president looks forward to signing the legislation as it forfills his pledge to hunters and sportsmen and at the same time enacts common sense measures and removes dangerous firearms from the streets and protects children.

The compromise makes illegal the sale and possession of all firearms with the exception of the following:

The federal government will issue a $100 tax rebate certificate for each illegal firearm turned in during a proposed amnesty period.

Firearm manufactures and gun stores will be liable for firearms used in a commission of a crime or involved in an accident.

Firearm will be required to be secured when in the home. To meet the recent Supreme Court ruling on self defense, one firearm may be assessable, but tethered to a hardened wire no longer then fifty (50) foot in length.

The bill also implements registration of ammunition sales and requires ammunition serial numbers, with serial numbers recorded in a national database.

A compromise has also been reached on the federal ammunition excise tax.

A reported prosposed $5 per ball ammunition tax has been reduced to $1.

Full details of the compromise gun bill have not been released.

An anonymous source within the administrations said an expected Supreme Court vacancy will insure all parts of the compromise gun bill will be received favorable by the court.

Brady Campaign issued a press release in support of the compromise bill. They hope the bill will be supported not only by all Democrats, but also Republicans and Independents.

The American Hunters and Shooters Association would not make a public comment at this time, but a spokesmen stated the association continues to support President Obama and his position on firearms and gun ownership.

As word of the compromise spread, firearm and hunting talk boards are posted with statements of disbelief and outrage. Many firearm owners stated they were not now members of the NRA but would immediately join the association.


  1. Read your entire article and not once was the bill number mention or a link to the bill itself posted. how can anyone make an informed decision from your article if the bill is not even referenced properly?

  2. Point well taken. Tongue and cheek humor is not lost on me. I wish I could say the same for the idiot that replied first.

    That being said, your cynical, albeit amusing article highlights a frightening possibility. The Democratic party has weakened, though not abandoned its politically and practically ridiculous stance on gun control, and a one-party government raises the possibility of the tyranny of 100 that Jefferson so feared.

    Write to congressmen, Republican and Democrat, and tell them your views on gun control when ACTUAL bills are presented. Don't give them rhetoric, but facts--tell them how heightened gun control almost universally leads to higher overall and violent crime rates, and vice versa. Remind them that jurisdictions with the most stringent gun control laws have much higher crime rights than those with liberal laws regarding individual gun ownership. Tell them how weapons will still be readily available to scofflaws, but unavailable to the law abiding citizens that would use them only for legal purposes.

    As a gun-toting (legally- concealed weapons license holder since 2003) Democrat who believes that rights are rights, and who supports President Obama on most issues but who vehemently opposes his stance on gun control, I hope that the political system serves to keep us free, rather than bind us in chains for our own protection.

    As Ben Franklin said, "Those who would trade essential liberty for a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."